It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
