The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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