i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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