May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
pray to the hookup gods
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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