it hurts more in the daytime
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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