so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
