He passed out mid-signature
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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