we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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