checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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