planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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