You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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