so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
