Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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