I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
