so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
