dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
