I'm really into asian looking animals
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
