Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
