I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
