like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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