My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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