can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
