My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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