I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
All I want is dick and wine.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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