My liver just broke up with me...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He passed out mid-signature
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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