Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
