What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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