all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
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all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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