I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
