mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
