it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
