i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
