Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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