kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Boobs speak an international language.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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