Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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