Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
