it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
