I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
