don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
