this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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