just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
