Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
