He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
