I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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