just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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