I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
