I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
