i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
