just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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