Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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