Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
