I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
