If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Randomize
