I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
