OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
