If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
