i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
