Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
