Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
