just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
