So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Four minutes until I can fart!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
