I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
