well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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