I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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