Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
