i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
