Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
