I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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