last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
