i would punch a child for taco bell
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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