yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
