Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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