i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
