my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
