Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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